Our years of solitude - Discovering our unique self
AS I SEE IT
By Rev. Jim Innes
ALONENESS acts as a mirror for an often-uncomfortable truth: we have our own individuality and sense of separateness.
Although humans are naturally social beings and part of a larger system, when alone, we connect with unique aspects of ourselves that only solitude can reveal.
While solitude is important for discovering and rediscovering our unique self, many people often find it difficult to embrace it. They are challenged by demands on their time and expectations of their behaviour, leading to stress and a feeling of losing themselves. Often, we long for a groundedness that seems far away, if not nearly impossible.
Nonetheless, overcoming such barriers is vital to our physical health and emotional well-being. It is a process that can be both challenging and transformative. It often involves facing fears, challenging habits, and stepping out of comfort zones. Yet, despite these challenges, the journey leads to new insights, the development of healthier coping mechanisms, and a stronger sense of self.
As folk begin this journey, they may feel discomfort when moving away from external stimuli and returning to a quiet state; sometimes, this quiet can seem unsettling, and I have heard it described anxiously as an inability to breathe or a feeling of abandonment. It’s as if one must first pass through a dark valley of uncertainty or even fear to find the light or their centre.
Beyond this discomfort, the experience of solitude can differ greatly; it might be a conscious choice or an unfortunate reality shaped by life’s tough transitions. Finding stability and authenticity in a solitude that is imposed by circumstance, can be quite difficult. Such situations may result from major life events like losing a job or the death of a partner; both which can trigger profound grief and a sense of lost identity. A more subtle example involves the elderly, who often face a ‘shrinking world.’ Along with health and financial limitations, they experience complex emotions as they become more isolated from their previous environment.
In addition to this discomfort, solitude can be experienced in very different ways; it may be a deliberate choice or a harsh reality shaped by life’s difficult transitions. Finding stability and authenticity in circumstances that impose solitude can be quite challenging. Such situations often arise from significant life changes like losing a job or the death of a loved one, both of which can lead to deep grief and a loss of identity. A subtler example involves the elderly, who frequently encounter a ‘shrinking world.’ Along with health and financial constraints, they often face complex emotions as they become more isolated from their previous environment.
Solitude, whether chosen or imposed upon us, serves as a transformative journey, an inner journey into our identity. It might not be a place we wish to stay in for very long, but bravely stepping into it has significance. Psychologically, it is regarded as an essential experience whereby parts of ourselves, significantly authentic parts, are revealed (or released) from within us. Pablo Picasso wrote, “Without great solitude, no serious work is possible.”
Reflecting on these themes, I realize that my own experiences with solitude have provided both refuge and growth, especially during moments of overwhelming stress. Perhaps this is what the divine intended when a day was designated as a Sabbath, a space to reconnect with one's authentic self, free from the demands of the world around us… as uncomfortable as that might be!
Rev. Jim Innes is the rector of St. John's, Grand Bend with St. Anne's, Port Franks.
(Photo: Johannes Plenio/Unsplash)