'We need to be the peace that we wish to experience'
AS I SEE IT
By Rev. Jim Innes
I WAS DRIVING through the trailer park where I had just gotten a trailer and was confronted for going too fast.
It wasn’t speed demon fast, nor even close, but on this day, it was more than this neighbor trailer-owner was comfortable with. In a very menacing way, he approached me about the issue, or perhaps better put, approached me with his anger. His request to slow down was reasonable, but his manner was not.
It caught me off guard. The confrontation was a surprise, and I realized that this guy lives just four trailers away, so we'll be nearby all summer. Wanting to keep things friendly, I decided to swing by his trailer to apologize for speeding and offered a handshake. He didn’t seem very interested in the apology, but I guess only time will tell how things turn out in this small trailer park where I’m the new face.
His initial approach made me cautious. I responded to him not with calm acceptance of his concerns, but with abrupt aggression to push him back a bit. I nearly let my emotions get the better of me. And as I sat with a feeling of a little guilt about that, I began to think about the reasons behind people’s intimidating behaviour, including my own instinctive need to ‘raise the drawbridge‘ in the face of a challenge.
Is it instinctual self-protective behaviour and therefore naturally provoked? Or is it a combination of that and learned behaviour stemming from past experiences with power and aggression? The temptation to psychologize this is present, but I’d rather this article simply invite reflection on the choices we make within the communities we engage with. Because how we engage in challenging situations can be constructive or destructive.
You cannot dismiss the idea that interpersonal communication relies on our instinctive responses, as well as on influences from past experiences, and community dynamics. As I see it, the most significant variable is not changing who we are but shifting the way we want things to be around us. I will fall back on a familiar quote: “We need to be the peace that we wish to experience.”
Every social engagement has the potential for constructive or destructive interactions. Aggression generally provokes more aggression, and patience, kindness, empathy, and forgiveness usually elicit a more positive response. Granted, some individuals, no matter how much warmth is shown, cannot be stabilized because of their negative energy; however, we have the power in every statement and response to shape the environment we want to live in, both externally and internally. And when we make mistakes and react negatively, there is almost always a way to regain control and turn the situation around for the better.
In my ministry, I have often preached that one of the most powerful statements in scripture was made by Jesus as he hung crucified on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!” This tender request sparks a creative energy within the horrific reality of the situation. The destructive and violent act of crucifixion is transformed (by Jesus’s deliberate choice of response) into an opportunity for reconciliation.
Over the years, I’ve only caught glimpses of how Jesus remained so centered in God’s love for him. And it is my aim in writing this article to reflect on my hope to become as comparatively responsive as he was.
Rev. Jim Innes is the rector of St. John's, Grand Bend with St. Anne's, Port Franks.